Communication is key

Most arguments or disagreements can be traced back to misunderstandings or miscommunication. When this happens its really easy to feel hurt or ignored or annoyed, especially if you usually communicate well with the person and you're on the same wavelength.

Communication is a funny thing, we talk with words, with body language, with expression. Sometimes we believe we're being really clear and we get frustrated that the person we are communicating with can't or won't understand us. At other times you can be in total agreement with someone about a task and then you go off and do completely different things because you both interpreted the same thing differently. When this happens its even more annoying because you'd agreed so how had "they" (because it's always them and not us... definitely...) managed to do the thing incorrectly??

True agreement comes from clarity, and expressing exactly what an outcome should look like. This comes from deep listening, understanding and a touch of humility. In short, without judgement. It's very easy to decide that an arguement occurs because it's all the other person's fault. Except, most often, it's not one party to blame. People will have different perspectives of the same situation based on their background, experience, biases (concious or unconcious) and mood.

For this reason, blame doesn't help anyone. Playing the blame game does not move a situation forward, does not resolve an arguement and generally makes the whole situation worse.

So what do we do instead? In a word, communicate.

Not just the bits that you think the other person knows, but the things you assume they must know because it's "oh so obvious". Except that a lot of the time, what is obvious to us isn't remotely obvious to the other person! This is the root cause of so many arguements! We make so many assumptions about what the other person must definitely know, that we forget that their experience, their perspective, could be completely different to us.  

When we communicate, it is so very important to assume nothing. Say everything, including the parts that you think they know, the parts which could be uncomfortable, the things which could be upsetting or embarrassing even! Put it all out there, and discuss it. If we are open to this kind of communication then it allows the other person to be open to it as well. It's a calming place, a knowing place, a place without blame or judgement. And when we're in this place, then we can communicate, remove and resolve arguments.

Communication, without judgement of ourselves or others, is key.