Knowing what you need
Need is an interesting word. A lot of people think they NEED chocolate or NEED a the latest phone or NEED to drink alcohol to have a good time.
Very rarely would any of those things be a need. Instead, they are a want. You can live without things that you want, you can't live without the things you need. For example, I need to drink water to stay hydrated, I want to drink wine on a Friday night because it tastes nice and makes me feel fuzzy and happy. I need to sleep to have energy and decent brain function, I want to to stay up all night reading my book because it's such a page turner and pleeeease, just one more chapter!
Distinguishing between what you need and what you want is really important for all aspects of life. If you know what you need to be functioning properly (water, food, sleep, movement etc.), you can work out what you want to make life more enjoyable (wine, doughnuts, naps, dancing, better paid job, bigger house, fun holiday etc.)
A common reason for people being dissatisfied with their lives is because they put their wants before their needs. They want to make a good impression to their boss so they work late drinking coffee and eating sugary foods to keep them awake, stressing themselves out and functioning poorly. Often feeling frazzled and creating work which isn't up to the standards they are striving for, and in turn creating negative mood, feeling bad then eating more junk food, drinking alcohol and or taking drugs to numb those feelings.
Whereas, if they stopped, slept, drank some water and ate something nutritious (i.e. do the things they need) they would function far more efficiently and actually get the work done far more efficiently and effectively! And then they have positive mood, make better choices to support their health and probably have a happy boss who appreciates the quality of their work (assuming the boss isn't some sort of micromanaging, stress inducing, bullying, psychopathic dickhead... in which case, for the love of god, find a different job!) I got side tracked there... anyway!
The point is, when we know what we need, we focus on fulfilling our needs to make us feel OK. Not perfect, not cloud nine, but OK, functioning coherently and effectively. When we are in this space, we feel different and start looking after ourselves properly. Once you are at OK, it becomes so much easier to push on and feel good, see the positives and move forwards. Doesn't that sound like a better place to be?
Since I've worked out what I need, I have been making concious choices to fulfil them. I have a set bedtime, and I love it! I get the sleep I need, which makes me eat a good breakfast (because I'm not trying to substitute energy in food for energy gained from sleeping), stay hydrated, and want to move around and be active. This means I'm less likely to want a glass of wine at the end of a hard day, instead opting for a walk or a run to get the endorphins going, and then have a good meal and good sleep.
If I don't do these things, I notice and so do those around me. I'm cranky, I eat rubbish, I drink more and I don't want to do anything but sit on the sofa.
Now sometimes, you need some unwind time to rest on the sofa, watch terrible films / TV, eat something bad for you and reset, and that's OK. However, when that is everyday life, it quickly makes even the smallest task seem so difficult as to be impossible. The best way to get out of this kind of rut is to start meeting your needs.
If you don't know where to start when trying to work out your own needs, I could help! Feel free to comment on this post and I'll respond to you with some hints and tips. If you'd like to go deeper than that then coaching could help. Again get in touch and I'll see what we could do!
Until next time Dear Reader, if you find yourself in a funk, ask yourself, am I getting what I need or what I want?