Leaving a job is an interesting experience

Over the past 5 or 6 weeks I have been transitioning out of my current job. Telling people I'm leaving, working out the priorities of handing things over, booking time with people for said handovers, generally tidying up.

Underneath this has been various feelings:
"God this is tedious, get me out of here now!"
"I'm really going to miss this person"
"I'm definitely not going to miss this person!"
"I'm definitely not going to miss this part of the job"
"This bit of the job has always been fun"
"I wonder what the new job will be like?"

Closer and closer to the end point and finish date, into the last few days now and I've been looking around. Some people are a bit worried about how things will be done when I leave, fortunately for them everything is documented so they can fall back on it.

Other people aren't worried at all, but probably should be given they never started the pieces of work they wanted... and I'm leaving having handed things over to someone who has never done this thing before... and is a lot less confident with it than I would be... Ah well, soon this will no longer be for me to worry about!

It hasn't been announced that I'm leaving, which is fine. I'm in a middling position in my company so it's not often announced when people at my level leave. However, it does leave a slightly awkward environment where I have no idea who does and doesn't know that I'm leaving. I've told as many people as I want to, those I've worked with closely and want to keep in touch with. Those who seem to like throwing any piece of work at me they can possibly think of, most often without giving a thought to my current workload, and watching their faces as it sinks in that they won't be able to do this anymore (remember I mentioned earlier the people I won't miss... :D ) and then being annoyed that no one is in place to pick these things up so they'll have to (finally) do them themselves as they should have done in the first place. (Thanks perfectionist, approval seeking Chatty Brain for that situation - leaving it has felt fantastic!)

All very odd. And now here I am writing this post, it's a beautiful sunny Sunday afternoon and I have three days left before I leave my job for the last time. I am feeling content. All the loose ends I wanted to wrap up are complete, everything is handed over and I have a final few documents to write. If they get done before I go, great! If not, then other people can write them after I've left. Feeling very chilled.

If only a few months ago, I could have seen myself as I am right now. Few months ago Laura, didn't know what this point looked like, or if it was even possible to get to. Few months ago Laura didn't think her CV was good enough for anyone to want to read, let alone interview for a new job. And if anyone did read it then they definitely wouldn't want to pay few months ago Laura the amount she thought she should be earning for her skills but wasn't confident asking for.

Fast forward to today, I am setting boundaries, saying no to work that I don't want to do / shouldn't be doing / don't have time for because I'm prioritising handovers which are more important. I am taking a couple of weeks off before starting my new job because I know I need a break and some space before starting the new role. I am going into a job which is paying me at the level I think I'm worth, or is possibly still a little low for my skills... we shall see.

Either way I'm in a good place. Which is nice!

So if you're feeling stuck, or resentful, or unvalued. Take a look around, see what you might want / be able to change and start envisioning how things could look. Then think about how you would make that happen. Then, the scary bit... do it! You could end up thanking few months ago you for having the courage to try something different, while getting ready for a new opportunity which pays you more to do the things you're good at!