New year, new me?
Hello Dear Reader, how are you doing? Getting back into the swing of things?
With January well underway, I've noticed this year how many people seem to have freed themselves of the usual January "New year, new me" mentality, and instead seem to be embracing the idea of "New year, still me". I really like this approach, it's much more than the usual cliché of starting a new diet or exercise regime just because it's January and then feeling really frustrated and miserable with yourself when it 'inevitably' fails, using this as yet another stick to beat yourself with. Instead, it's really lovely to see people continuing with the things they've been working on already.
For some though, this is a season of change. I saw a sign in a garden centre yesterday which read "sow seeds in the winter, enjoy the blooms in the summer". Which is a lovely reminder that change requires patience in order to be successful.
Change is tricky. If we want to do something new and start by going big then the initial enthusiasm only lasts so long. Once the enthusiasm is gone then it's easy to become impatient, wishing for a silver bullet to solve all the problems NOW.
A lot of changes can end up not working, especially if you're relying on willpower alone. Willpower is a fickle fiend. If it leaves when you were relying on it to lose some weight or learn the guitar or do something drastically different to your normal routine, it is more than likely that you will decide not to bother anymore. "It's too hard", "what's the point?", "uuugh I'm giving up AGAIN, why can't I ever stick at something?". Sound familiar?
Enjoyment works differently. When we enjoy things, we're more likely to repeat them, want to do them and make them a habit.
If you've ever made a New Year's resolution, did you choose something you could enjoy?
Example: "I want to lose weight, so I'm going to join the gym" - if you've never been to a gym before, this may be a difficult way to lose weight. Maybe you'll feel embarrassed asking for help to use a machine, or self conscious because you think people are looking at you. On the other hand, if you have been a gym goer in the past and you know you enjoy the classes they offer, you're much more likely to stick to it. Loads of people decide to exercise without considering what they enjoy doing and as a result find it really hard to create momentum and keep going.
Having said that, enjoyment can only get you so far too. Underneath all lasting change is a purpose - "The big WHY?" if you like. WHY are you doing it? What does it give you? What do you want to achieve and WHY? Once you're clear on why you're doing something, then the practical steps of actually doing the thing can begin.
This is where a support system comes in. Who do you have around you who could help make this a success? Maybe you need childcare support to give yourself time because you've decided you want to go back to school and get a new qualification after having a family. Maybe you need a teacher if you want to learn how to draw or play an instrument. Support looks different to everyone, but at the heart of it is a need - a need for instruction, a need for time, a need for space to dream and plan what's next etc.
It is really easy at these times to think "when I've done X, then I'll do Y" - the thing is, if you don't have the support around you to do X or Y, then it won't happen. If you've been saying this to yourself for more than 3 months then you're not going to do it. That sounds harsh, but you've given yourself a quarter of a year to put something into place, and the support around you hasn't enabled it to happen. So what can you do instead?
Well firstly, acknowledge it.
"OK, I said I would do this and I haven't made any progress"
then add the word yet to that sentence!
"OK, I said I would do this and I haven't made any progress, YET!"
Adding yet, takes away guilt and gives you an opportunity to reframe the thought. Reflect on why the progress didn't happen as you wanted it to and then make a new plan. With a new plan, comes new possibilities and new reasons WHY.
A really helpful way of doing this is to have a coach. A coach can keep you accountable, challenge beliefs about why something can't happen right now or whatever else it is that is stopping you from getting started. They will be right there with you cheering you on as you go. If this feels right for you, I still have 2 free places remaining on my 12 week coaching course - all you have to do right now is book a free discovery call here. We can see if we're a good fit to work together, find out what it is that you want to work on and partner to get you where you want to be. And right now, it's all free! (Ts and Cs apply obviously, but you will pay nothing if you take one of these 2 free places).
What have you got to lose? What could you gain? Where could you be in 3 months or 6 months from now if you have support to do the thing you're desperate to do but just can't seem to get started? Let's chat - book a free, no obligation Discovery call today and see what's possible when you have true support.
Until next time x