We're not so different you and I

Hello Dear Reader, what have you been up to this week?

I had the pleasure of using a Christmas present this week and having my colours done. It was a very entertaining morning, learning about which colours do and don't suit different people, the psychology behind how people perceive others based on colours and first appearances and the funniest part for me - trying to remember how to use a mascara brush (For those who don't know me personally, I don't wear make up and haven't tried to apply it for almost 20 years!)

The main thing I took away from the morning, along with a new swatch and drive to clear out my wardrobe, was a deep frustration that first impressions are still so rooted in how we look and present ourselves. We know this is true because we all look at people who we don't know walking down the street and have an immediate judgement of them based on their appearance. Sometimes this is followed by criticising ourselves for being judgemental, leading to further negative self talk or negative views about the world, and so the cycle continues.

But why do we do it? And why do we judge ourselves based on the perceived judgement of others? In short - we want to fit in. Humans evolved by needing to fit into a pack in order to survive. To be seen to be different was to be cast out and struggle. This is the basis for all kinds of comparison and or discrimination, whether its race, sex, disability, social class, Apple verses Android, analogue verses digital, the lists of things we compare ourselves by is endless.

Human beings also don't like being told we are wrong about something (hello politics!) we argue over mundane things just to be correct. We will also seek out information which confirms our views in favour of searching for something opposing it to confirm our correctness. Confirmation bias becomes a dangerous thing. As we've seen this week in the US with executive orders effectively banning anything that tries to bring people together outside of what the new Chief wants (I can't bring myself to type his name, to me he is the "overgrown wotsit baby"). It is terrifying in this day and age that all of the work which has been done and all the fight for equity and equality are being so blatantly repressed under the banner of "freedom of speech" by the new administration.

So what can we do? To some, it seems pretty hopeless and inevitable that all the good work will be undone. But it doesn't have to. The act of 'divide and conquer' can be fought and beaten by remaining connected. Asking questions of "why are are those people seen as 'less than'?" "what is the threat that they pose to those who hate them?".

It is really hard to stand up and risk your own safety for the safety of others, it is so much easier to keep your head down and hope that they don't come for you. While writing this I was reminded of a poem we learnt at school - Not My Business by Niyi Osundare (click the name for a link to the poem). In it he repeats the following:

"What business of mine is it
So long they don’t take the yam
From my savouring mouth?"

It was written in the late 1980s/early 1990s but feels as relevant today as it did then. When we keep our heads down for our own safety while those around us are taken away or discriminated against, who will help us when our day comes to be 'othered'? The more we look for differences, the more splintered we become, I urge you to look for the similarities, the humanity, the kindness and strength that comes with community.

This blog post took a bit of a turn half way through... as is often the way, we look for inspiration for something to say, only to find something truly heart breaking which changes how we feel. What starts out as a whimsical look at colours and how we are perceived warped into anger at the injustices across the world, driven by the greedy self servers. So this week I will leave you with hope.

Hope is not a calming presence, she is gritty and determined. She appears like a light in the dark, but not the soft light of morning, the determined fire light that burns at the heart of anyone who stands up for what they believe in, who fights back against the bullies, who collaborates and brings community at a time of division. Hope says "I can change this for the better" and she does with every fibre of her being.

My hope, Dear Reader, is that we don't sit idly by and let the bullies win. We don't sit quietly and let those around us suffer. To bring back some lightness, I'm reminded of the film A Bug's Life - to me we are the ants, we are at a time where we are forming and understanding that we have the numbers to be beat the grasshoppers who would squash us individually. When we come together, we are strongest.

If you're feeling particularly stuck in helplessness then please reach out, I would love to chat and support you.

Until next time x